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Phase

Phase

Phase

You can, but you’re going to need help, and this is why… up until this point, your child(ren) have gotten what they’ve wanted by splitting, throwing tantrums, lying, or wearing any of the other Masks. They aren’t going to just give up those behaviors easily. For at least 2-4 weeks, your life is going to be miserable, your child(ren) will see to it, they have to, otherwise they’d have to “go quietly” and kids don’t do anything quietly. Without support during these 2-4 week, you will lose the war. Therapists have been trained in the Mask Program on both the East and West coast, use them, it will be worth the investment. If you are lucky enough to live in these areas, click on the therapists link to find a therapist near you. If you do not live near a therapist trained in the Mask Program you can do a online consultation with me or other therapists I have trained. I want you to be successful so utilize these support people, don’t try to go it alone.

In this phase, youths memorize all forty-one Masks (by either Senior or Junior name).  Homework packets and flash cards facilitate this learning.  This enables the youth to have a point of reference for decision making.  When a situation arises, where the youth isn’t sure how to proceed, they can do a “check-list inventory” of what they are thinking of doing and see if it results in them wearing a mask.

For example:  Say your daughter is making out with her boyfriend and is thinking about having sex with him.  Desire is the strongest thing clouding her judgment at that moment.  It’s hard to think rationally when you’re aroused.  Words from mom may not penetrate that aroused state, but the Masks might.  Youths who work the Mask Program can’t get it “out of their heads” not when aroused, or angry, not even when they’re watching a movie or listening to a song.  It’s there and the masks pop up even when you aren’t thinking about them.  (This is irritating when you try to watch a movie for entertainment, but invaluable when you’re about to do something with dire consequences.)

Back to the example; once the youth comes to the Mask of Impulsivity she can’t help but to think of the consequences i.e. pregnancy, sexually transmitted disease, bad reputation, etc… will this stop her from deciding to have sex? Maybe not, but at least she’s taken the time to think and she’s making that decision after examining all the potential repercussions of her actions and not just thinking about immediate gratification.  (This knowledge may result in her insisting on using protection if she does decide to go through with it).

*this example is for a teen, example for a child focusing on impulsivity would be stealing a pack of gum.  Examples are based on age of child. 

In this phase, youths actively search for evidence that everyone does indeed wear the masks. They will find actresses and actors wearing them on TV, peers and friends wearing them in school hallways,  family members wearing them in their homes and eventually they’ll find them when they look in the mirror.

In this phase, youths learn empathy, and the understanding that sometimes saying “sorry” just isn’t enough to repair the damages done to relationships by their actions.  They learn how to give a 3-part apology, which will let others know they are really sorry.  They will also learn how to Right a Wrong, which involves going above and beyond to ensure the person knows that the youth recognizes hurting them by what they  did, said, etc… For example; say your child gets a D on her report card.  She knows that she cannot go to the next gymnastics meet as that was your agreement-she could participate as long as she kept her grades up. 

In order to Right a Wrong, she would not only have to get that grade up, but she would need to apologize to her gymnastics team and coach-as without her their routine will suffer and they will be penalized (at best) if not barred from participating in the meet (at worst).  Righting a Wrong teaches youths that the decisions they make affect others, not just themselves.  This results in the youth learning to be more responsible when faced with a difficult situation. 

In the example provided above, this means to study for tests when they don’t “feel like it”, to take notes when they’d rather talk to their friends, to do homework even though there favorite TV program is on, etc… It would be easy for them to watch their show, not study, and talk during class if they think those decisions will only affect them, but if they think about their teams, their parents disappointment, how grades affect college, etc… they’re more apt to be responsible and place their “wants” (TV show, phone conversations, etc…) on the back burner and put their noses to the grindstone.

The Mask Program was created to address accountability and self-respect issues evident in today’s youths.  The Mask Program does that and so much more:

The Mask Program was designed so that the shaming element (usually labels i.e. liar, stupid to name a few) parents use when correcting their child(ren) could be removed. Once shame is removed, children do not feel attacked or defensive, so they are more open to accepting correction from their parents. Additionally, children’s self-respect is not compromised when parents eliminate the shaming element from their parenting. If parents fail to eliminate the shaming element from their parenting, the Mask Program acts as a “filter” filtering out the labels and leaving the child with this thought “I lied, which is something I should not have done, but the fact that I lied does not make me a liar, it’s not part of who I am, it was a bad choice I made, nothing more”. (They don’t internalize the label, which means their self-respect isn’t compromised). There are forty-one behavioral Masks in the Mask Program.  Each Mask has two names, a senior Mask Program name (for adolescents) and a Junior Mask Program name (children) and they are:

What does it teach?  It teaches: